Parenting ADHD Kids w/Defiant Behavior, Practical Tips that Work with Dr. David Wen
In this episode, I talk with Dr. David Wen to get his thoughts on some of the hardest questions I've received from parents of kids and teens with ADHD over the years, including on consequences, rewards, privileges, child defiance, and tips for parenting support.
Dr. David Wen is a licensed clinical psychologist at Hope+Wellness who specializes in working with children, parents, and fathers. He brings clinical expertise and lived experience to his work, supporting dads and parents in showing up in ways that feel meaningful, even in the face of real-world parenting challenges. His approach is grounded in evidence-based therapy and delivered with a style that is warm, direct, and attuned to both parents and children.
In this conversation, we discuss:
How people are often contradictory, and how this creates problems for children with ADHD
What the biggest challenges kids with ADHD face today and how those can turn inward and negatively impact their self esteem
How to teach a child with ADHD social norms
Implementing structure, privileges, punishments & rewards that work
How parents break down before kids–limitations can often prevent the structures from being effective
The ways in which rules are arbitrary and how that makes them difficult to understand
How knowledge and honesty can be a powerful motivator for kids with ADHD
Learning to work with your child to teach them to be successfully autonomous before they leave the house
Tips for using observational question asking skills to help you bond with your child, and why that’s important in fostering a strong relationship long term
Safety, structure and support–defining the three pillars of what a parent’s role is, what they mean and how to go about them
Dr. David Wen: Yes, there are certain parameters that you would have to put on them, and yes, there's more control depending–I would say part of this is going back to the discussion of getting to know your kid and what is it that one: what is it that they're doing, what are they getting out of it, and seeing if there's a different thing that they can get that same reward out of the action, right? Because if they're using their electronics for video games because that's the only way they can get any pleasure in life, well, that means that they're lacking pleasure in life. So then that's working with them, well, okay, what are other things that they might enjoy? And so I would start with, well, what video games are they playing? Then you get to know, okay, like they're interested in this game. So, okay, like, well, what about the video game is it? You know, is it a role-playing game? Are they talking to people, friends? And then you get to understand, oh, they're getting these things out of this game. And then it's finding alternatives, so that then the electronics don't matter as much, right?
Listen to the full conversation on the innercalling podcast here.
For those who prefer a visual experience, you can check out the conversation on YouTube here.
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